Just Go

Gratitude of the day—one degree of better sleep last night, a feeling of heavy sleepiness to help me return to sleep quickly after 4 times of waking up.  Not the best but better than it was a year ago.

Something, seems like, has been drawing me all my life to get out beyond the clamor and dash of city life.  A hawk aloft in cloudless air.  Ancient limestone hills.  Undisturbed fields waiting for us to come and dwell.  Our own Eden land, geographically even as Jesus Christ has become my life-encompassing Eden.

Am I big enough, good enough, brave enough for this venture into country living after a lifetime in one large city and one small one?  I certainly have a few doubts about my abilities to adapt.  I love being able to go anytime I want to the grocery store or out to eat rather than planning for rides ‘into town’ to get groceries.  Yet what does that compare to this upscale place with fresh air, clean light, and deer for neighbors?

I’ve often felt a little restless and lost in the city; perhaps more restless and lost in my own soul through the years.  I didn’t seem to know how to find the path to peace although signs were all around me.  I had to get really sick and shout, “No!” to continuing illness and downhill health.  I had to yell “Yes!” to life and work hard toward change.  I had to switch from distrust of God to trust, from worry to gratitude.

At some point in the past 6 years, the last 3 pretty intense, I began to see the path.  From ache and fear, frustration and determination, I stepped forward with uncertain health.  I prayed, talked with helpful friends, a caring doctor or two along the way, an ever faithful, strong as a rock mate, and God, daily, hacking my way out of a jungle of despair and illness…into new possibilities, and feeling a bit better, enough to hope the trend will continue toward greater health.

I thank God for signs of my health’s return like new buds in spring.  And I’m so curious about country living and the role it can have in all our lives.  Our Eden land has come along during this season, purchased together with our intentional community.  We are poised in the city, waiting to go to the land.

I love finding God in the middle of daily life, struggles, and little gains along the way.  That’s what I have to share and hope it inspires others.  I love that my journey to wholeness will include a move from city to country.  So I’ve got goals and you do too.  I’ll need company and inspiration in the journey…and more than a few new recipes—will you share?

The key to courage may be simply to go, regardless of flaws, setbacks, and questions.  Just go.


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