Give Thanks for Every Little Crumb

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Don’t ever do this:  let yourself get into such a vulnerable, desperate condition with your health that you just rush to a doctor and do whatever he says…without researching the long term consequences.  The piece of paper from the pharmacy detailing side effects and warnings is not enough info. More research will help you make a good decision.

I didn’t make a good decision.  2013 was the beginning of a downhill plunge into bad insomnia and anxiety as I had never before experienced.  It gradually worsened while trying many options.  By June 2015 I was only getting 4-5 hours sleep, and anxiety off and on day and night.  So my husband took me to a very good functional medicine doctor coming out of 15 years practice as an emergency room doctor.  He put me on Xanax and bio-identical hormones.  I slept and had the first night with good sleep that I hadn’t experienced in a year.  This was on the very first day I took these.

That was the last of the good news.  It was months before we researched and found out the effects on the brain and the chemistry of this class of drugs being such that gradually your body would want more, which I would not do.  However, I was on it, stuck, and it wasn’t really helping much.  Another doctor switched me to another drug in the same class of drugs but easier to get off, he said.

Well, finally here it is January, 2017, and I am finally off of it!  Excited about that but before I can take a deep breath and celebrate, now there is an anti-depressant to get off of. 😦  This drug was brought alongside the other drug, and now I will have to do a similar, very gradual easing off of this one.  Bummer.  Makes you wonder at the costly ‘help’ being given.

My sleep on the front end, getting to sleep has worsened a little. For the past year the pattern is I wake up every hour or two.  Not the best quality of sleep but I get 7-8 hours this way.  That’s definitely better than it was.

A year ago I couldn’t endure bright lights and loud noises in movies.  But during Christmas holidays 2016 I went to the movies and it did not bother me!  Understand it’s not my favorite thing to watch movies with lots of flashing lights and loud sounds in general.  At least it doesn’t provoke anxiety and disturb sleep now.  A huge improvement!

But it’s easy to still get discouraged and forget progress made.  One night recently as I was up for the 3rd time going to the bathroom, I felt down.  But this impression which I attribute to the Holy Spirit came to me:  “Give thanks for every little crumb.”

There is a story in the Bible of a woman who begged Jesus for help for her demon-oppressed daughter.  He gave her a hard time!  But she continued with humility and persistence asking for His help despite Jesus telling her that He wasn’t supposed to feed the children’s bread to puppies under the table.  She quickly pointed out that at least puppies could eat crumbs!  He liked her answer.  Her daughter was healed.

I am thankful truly for small gains in health–even these drugs.  Small gains better than none!  Every night I write a list of things that happened in the day that I’m thankful for, just a brief, bulleted list in my journal.  My family also practices sharing these sorts of things at mealtimes.  Amazing what a lift it is.  Every little crumb!

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