Sometimes it’s exciting to think of tackling a new year. By the time the Christmas holidays come, I’m often sidetracked with unfinished goals. But armed with new zest, I can turn the calendar page. Ahhh, January– time for new beginnings!
And yet there can be dread to a new year. Broken dreams, broken hearts can knock us off a solid foundation, wreck and ashes everywhere. Where do we pick up to move on?
Gotta get the stale air out of the house. Let love in the door. Fresh atmosphere. Tender care of self and others. Whether we have suffered and must rise from the ruins or we are continuing to build on a sure foundation, we need bravery and loving support to carry through on goals.
I had a new beginning in my early 40’s. There were differences that couldn’t be hashed out in a first marriage. Two broken hearts with meager spiritual resources made feeble efforts to reclaim love but failed. There was going to be a divorce. The dark oppressed me as I lay in bed, gripped by fear and sorrow. I had to seek a new beginning I didn’t want, especially for my children, 4 precious, innocent children. I was terrified about how divorce might scar them.
Yet we all began again. Through much shame, confusion, pain, we headed through stormy waters in search of a safe landing place. Love guided us in our blindness. Eventually life went on. I trust we are stronger people for the struggles, but divorce is costly. We are marked deeply by it, good and bad.
1999 was a sweet new beginning with a new marriage, a true soul mate for a new life together that was so fulfilling, yet the ravages of the past reached into its promising, tender hopes and dreams. I didn’t know that ongoing grief was sapping me from inside. Illness of unexplained origins plagued me off and on, especially in our travels. We both love traveling to new places, meeting new people. But being sick and set aside in bed is no fun.
After a bout with strep put me out of daily life for about 2 months in 2012, other alarms began to sound. Anxiety bordering on panic filled days and nights with agonizing questions. Insomnia set in and ruthlessly took me down to 4, 5, 6 hours of sleep. Hormones out of whack. I had no idea about how diet, negative thinking, stress, little exercise, too many antibiotics, unaddressed emotions and forgiveness issues were quietly ripping body, heart, and mind.
The good news is that I had a resolve I’d never had before, being a fly by the seat of your pants kind of person. I have to say a holy resolve—such burning energy and focus motivated me. I’d never had this before. Surely sourced in the divine then, not me!
I wanted my life and health back. There would be no mere pill popping to relieve symptoms for me. I wanted to be well, to enjoy work and play alongside my husband Kent and granddaughter Natalia again. There was much rubble and ruin to remove, to start again. I will share more as the days go by.
What rubble stands in the way of your growth and joy in 2017? I hope you have loving friends, mentors, perhaps a wise counselor or loyal mate to help you clear out the debris. I’ve certainly needed a major amount of help along the way to better health. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. There will be a merciful supply of people and resources to support your healing path.
So start with Love. Just let Love in the door.