Mid-week I opened the front door to squint at rosy pink and gold lights, streaming across the eastern horizon filled with wispy, thin clouds. Beauteous but I barely noticed. Tired and irritable from a not-so-good night’s sleep. Underneath the grump was plain old fear, fear of what insomnia can do to a brain.
There are actually some nights that the quality of my sleep has been better enough that I waken fresh and ready for a new day. But this lovely sunrise day was not one of them.
I sooo want to be cheery, kind, optimistic, grateful. But my heart seemed as devoid of good emotions as my mug these days is devoid of delightful caffeine. I begged God to help me get a better perspective and attitude for the day, to be happy and free of fear and worry. Yes, a miracle seemed to be on order.
When I feel bad, I can quickly feel alone. It seems that no matter how often I have experienced His love and kindness, I need reminders of who He really is. I tend to fall back into an orphan state, thinking He is distant, uninvolved, uncaring–a common American, deistic view of life.
I opened a Bible and read a bit in Psalms 86, 112, and 116. Some of the truths expressed lit up my gloomy heart with hope. I got excited that David prayed for happiness–v. 4 of Psalm 86, NLT.
Many might disapprove of such a request. Not me. I prayed, “Me too, Lord!”
The psalms reminded me that He is very good, kind, ready to forgive, full of unfailing love. And I have certainly experienced these qualities of God toward me. One psalm said that David faced death and could see only trouble and sorrow, but he simply cried out, “Please, Lord, save me!” We sometimes need saving from our own bad thinking and emotions. I certainly did.
He just required the faith of children, and when David showed that with his simple cry for help, the Lord saved him from death, from tears, from stumbling. That’s a lot for one day.
So what if I took a childlike approach to the day, feeling bad but expecting my good Father to help me? A very loved child of the best of fathers can ask anything. And not be afraid of bad news–Father will help.
I cried out with the same simple prayer: “Please, Lord, save me!” He answered me, and I don’t know how it came about. The day just got better and better, my heart lighter and lighter.
It’s not usually like that. My most trying time of day is from 5 pm to about 9 or so, when cortisol levels are rising, and they are not supposed to do that. Hormonal imbalances and negative thinking tend to plague me at this time of day. But this evening, all was peace, an unexplainable peace.
A deep gratitude spread across my soul like the sunset’s glowing orange and deep rose colors across the sky.